The U. of Iew

…But only for a little while.

Awhile back, I blogged about my ex’s car literally blowing up on the side of the interstate. I co-signed for her to buy a replacement vehicle- a blue 2001 Ford Focus LX. I know- big mistake, right? It gets better. Somehow, the car loan was attached to my bank account, and I was listed as the primary owner of the vehicle. Which makes no sense, because why would someone with poor credit co-sign for me to get a car loan? So, essentially, my ex wound up having to pay “me” (the loan on my account) each month for the car. It was one of many things that I did for her, because I loved her and wanted her to have the best.

At the time, I really trusted her and felt that she would live up to her word to repay the “loans” I had given her- rent money, medical bills, money towards her independent jewelry business, etc. That was my mistake, and I saw how cheap her word is once we broke up. I’ll probably blog about the financial fallout of our relationship at some point, just because I think it’s interesting to see how we can dig ourselves into a deep hole in the name of love. So I won’t go into too many details here. I’ll just say that the most frustrating part of the situation was my ex’s failure to make the car payments on time. My bank gave us a 10 day grace period before a late payment fee was applied to the outstanding balance. What my ex (and her mother, apparently) failed to understand is that the late payments were still reported to the major credit bureaus and that it had a negative impact on my credit score. I was hurt and confused, because I couldn’t understand why she would do such an immature thing.

This morning, I woke up to a nice surprise. My ex’s parents had returned the car to my parents. I know, I know- my ex is not mature enough to handle her own affairs, though. So her parents take care of everything for her. They also brought a signed letter from my ex stating that she was releasing all ownership of the vehicle. Needless to say, I almost cried when I heard the news- this was wonderful.

I went over the car, cleaned it out, and checked the engine. Aside from one little problem that I can easily fix, the car is in great shape. It was filthy, but it cleaned up nicely. I know it well sell quickly, and that I’ll make a nice profit. The money will basically cover everything my ex owed me, financially. Now, once she gets her stuff out of my parents’ basement, all ties will be severed.

It’s sad that it came to this, especially since I’m friends with all of my exes, but I can’t have negative people in my life. I realized this even more after I went through Quest (which I’ll blog about later). I am my word. I choose excellence in every aspect of my life. Thus, I choose to surround myself with like-minded individuals. I choose not to bring negativity into my life.

Deep down, I feel that my ex is a good person. I had this discussion with a mutual friend about a week ago. We’ve all noticed that she’s become a very different person after moving in with her parents. Her mother has everything to do with this. Her mother has built her life on lies and pain; now she’s encouraging the same life for her daughter. They’ve lied to me (and to my parents) about financial matters from our relationship that deserved to be resolved. I don’t know why my ex refuses to break the cycle of abuse, but I feel that she could eventually gain that strength if she opens her heart. We probably could have fixed our relationship and gotten back together if my ex had listened to me instead of her mother. Honestly, why should I tell her mother how I feel about her daughter? What does it matter? I don’t care what her mother thinks; I cared about what my ex thought.

It’s water under the bridge at this point. Still, I feel that my ex would greatly benefit from attending Quest. I feel that it could open her heart and assist her in achieving her true potential in every aspect of her life. If we were on speaking terms, I’d happily give her the information- hell, I would “angel” her through the program- but I can’t see that happening right now. Maybe someday, but definitely not right now.

So, at the very least, I have the car. That’s a big step in the right direction.

…All I can say is… GEAUX SAINTS!! I knew they would win! I wore my jersey all weekend and was so excited to watch the game. To think- my city! Champions! My boys deserved this, and so did the city. The Saints really stepped it up a notch this past season. In many ways, I feel like the people of New Orleans gave them more strength. After Katrina, they needed something to rally around, something else to keep them strong. What better than their local NFL team?

The Saints didn’t draw a big crowd before, but the past few years they’ve played to a sold-out stadium. Having such a show of support from your fans has got to have a big impact.

Aside from that, I know my boys worked really hard to make this happen. The highlight of my night was seeing Drew Brees with his baby boy- beautiful. A grown man with tears of happiness in his eyes, cradling his infant son (who was wearing an adorable little Saints jersey I might add): that’s how I’ll remember this victory.

WHO DAT!

Every now and then, you’re fortunate enough to meet someone you really connect with. A friend, a lover, a partner- the connection takes many forms. Sure, you make a lot of friends and acquaintances throughout your life, but these connections are different. This is unconditional love, the ability to see right through someone and love them exactly as they are. My BFF is a great example. I learned so much just from being in her company. Even now, I put more work into keeping in touch with her than anyone else.

Where am I going with this…

During a dark time in my life, I met someone amazing. Someone who helped me learn more about myself… the type of person that I want to be… the goals that I want to achieve. I’m incredibly grateful for this connection.

Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for pushing me to excel when I just wanted to lay in bed and hide from the world. Thank you for your sense of humor, for reminding me how to smile. Thank you for the little glimpses I’m allowed into your thoughts, feelings, and memories. Thank you for reminding me that I am worthwhile, that I do have a place here, that I’m loved and wanted.

Simply put… thank you for existing. I am so happy, fortunate, and humbled to be a part of your life.

We all make stupid mistakes with money. Unfortunately, that’s an unavoidable part of life. In my own experience, I made the most mistakes in my last relationship. Not enough money in our account to cover rent? Let me charge it! Can’t afford to do something that my partner really wants to do? Let me charge it! We need a vacation? I’ll charge it! Yes, I knew that I was wrong. That tiny voice in the back of my mind had a temper tantrum each time I agreed to do something that was going to come back to bite me later on. The problem with relationships is that we’re more compelled to think with our hearts instead of our minds. As such, I made stupid decisions based on my emotions. The biggest mistake that I made was to co-sign for my partner’s car. Granted, we got a great deal on the vehicle. Yes, the loan paperwork wasn’t processed correctly by the car dealership, which resulted in me becoming the primary owner of the vehicle. Not my fault, but it was certainly my fault for ever signing on that dotted line. Thanks to the dealership’s mistake, I had an extra $2,000.00 of debt tacked onto my name; instead of being a co-signer, responsible for payment only if my partner neglected to pay her bill, I assumed the full financial burden of the car.

Smart move, eh?

It didn’t get too complicated until we split up. Our agreement was that she would pay the car on time each month. The minimum payment is only $100.00/month- not too difficult to manage. Unfortunately, she has consistently made late payments on the car. Yes, there is a 10 day grace period for the loan. Meaning, we will not be assessed a late payment fee as long as the payment is made before the end of the grace period. However, the bank still reports my late payments to the credit bureaus. As a result, my credit score goes down, interest rates go up, etc.

When I confronted my partner about her failure to hold up her end of our agreement, all she could do was have a temper tantrum and start hurling insults. I was “whining”, I was being a “bitch”, and so on. Now, if the shoe was on the other foot, you can bet that she’d be terribly upset by my behavior.

I’m telling this story because I wanted to offer a prime example of a financial mistake on my part. Contrary to my ex’s beliefs, whining doesn’t solve anything. So how have I been digging myself out of this financial mess?

Overtime. Lots of overtime, whenever it’s been offered. With our peak season coming up, I’ll be able to put even more money in the bank. Some of the money is going to be used for a Mardi Gras trip this February. The bulk of it will be placed it in my savings account and put towards my debt.

I’ve also cut back on my spending. I spend less than $100.00 on groceries each week. That includes dining out, purchasing toiletries and pet supplies, etc. By spending less on frivolous things and cutting corners wherever possible, I’m able to put more money in my savings account and pay off my debt much faster.

Selling some items that I no longer use has also provided me with some extra income. Books, movies, games, electronics- anything that hasn’t been used in a considerable amount of time has been sold. I’d like to get a part-time job but that’s not feasible at this time. So I have to settle for earning money in my spare time, usually by writing or helping out with random events.

I’m sure that I’m forgetting some things. That’s always the way… Regardless, I’m happy with everything that I’ve accomplished. It’s taken a lot of hard work and some quick thinking on my part, but I’m that much closer to meeting my financial goals as a result. So it’s all been worth it. I’m also fortunate to have some great friends; they’ve been an invaluable support system these past few months. One of them will probably have to serve as an alarm clock when I work Saturday overtime during peak season. What can I say? I’m definitely not a morning person.

On that note, I need to pack a few Ebay auction items for shipping. I sold an old, broken cellular phone for $41.00. Yes, there is a market for broken cellular phones. That makes sense, I suppose; they’re always good for spare parts if nothing else.

Carpe diem, y’all.

We had our first real snowfall on Saturday. Seems to be coming a bit late this year. Skippyjon, almost 7 months old now, saw snow for the first time. Needless to say, he wasn’t impressed; when he saw that white stuff falling from the sky he just stopped in his tracks and stared. When he discovered that the white stuff was COLD and WET he wanted nothing more than to go right back inside.

That said, he’s not a fan of stepping on the snow right now. So he’s had some trouble finding suitable places to do his business. I’m thinking I’ll need to clear off a small spot of grass for him, or invest in some cheap fake grass plot to set up on my “porch.” Hopefully this doesn’t mean that he’s going to have a lot of accidents this winter. He’s been really good with the whole housebreaking thing so far. I’ve got some puppy pads at hand, just in case…

Can’t say that I blame him, really. It went from being mild fall weather to extremely cold winter weather overnight. Such is life in Utah… Sadly, this will be the end of our dog park adventures until the Spring.